Gently they go, the beautiful, the tender, the kind...

I have not lost anybody I love so deeply before.

This was before.

This time, I never failed to show her how much I care. I was seriously ready to get out of bed at 4am that morning to bring her to the hospital. I was so scared.

When we (my friends and I) talked about it in the office, I just said 'Ewan ko!" the moment I felt like crying, turned to face my computer, then shut up. I couldn't bear it. I couldn't face the fact that she wasn't there, laughing along with our jokes. I couldn't take the fact that she was laying on her bed, silently weeping, unable to speak and move the left part of her face. There was no one beside her the morning it happened. No one to comfort her. Nobody there to lie to her face that it was going to be okay.

I didn't lie to her that it was going to be okay. I know it wasn't going to be.

'And'yan si ___!" I rushed over to see her, but stopped on my track when I saw her face. I said hi then ran back to my station.

I cried for about five minutes. My shawl was helping me wipe the trace of tears from my face. I felt so broken.

I managed to stop when one of my friends told me that she shouldn't see me this way. She wouldn't want to see me crying. She is very strong, and she does not want to see anybody crying over her. She doesn't show us how hurt she is, and in return, she expects us to do the same.

I'm ready for it.

You're ready, but we're not. I love you like my own sister.

It's hard to face the inevitable. Someday, I hope it won't be too soon, I will weep a million more tears for her. And unlike what I've been telling my other friend whose grandfather's life is on the line, I am not getting myself ready. I can't find the strength to do so.

"She faces the wreck of worlds, and prophesies restoration.
She faces a sky blood-red with sunset colours that deepen into darkness, and prophesies dawn.
She faces death, and prophesies life."