I am.

I am sitting here in front of my computer, contemplating on what I should do next. The bathroom rack gave up again, soap and other toiletries are laying battered on the bathroom floor. The rice cooker is empty. There are no food on the table. I am waiting for him to come home.

Days off for me usually pass by unproductively. I spend long hours trying to vent my frustrations on looklet, or floorplanner. I usually am content with that. No gimiks with friends, no coffee tambay wherever. I do have friends, yes. But I only see them when it's needed. You can barely drag my feet out of the house on my days off.

What have I become? When I was younger, my feet won't stay put inside our house. Maybe I am stomped with too much responsibilities, that a day alone became my paradise. Day after day, I have to deal with work, school, and my family. An hour, or a day alone sounds like heaven to me. However, being left alone makes me think too much. A new year is approaching, the holiday season is at its peak. The purpose of this entry is to make something out of my little self - a list of my new year's resolution.

1. To start off - I WILL BE productive on my days off. But how?
2. I will only bring enough money when I leave the house. I could burn Php500 on one regular day, and that is ridiculous for me. I need discipline on handling our money.
3. Do not put off anything I should do. Haste makes waste. I may be good at cramming but it blows my mind off. Ugh.
4. BE SURE TO WAKE UP TO THE SOUND OF THE ALARM. I can't recall how many times I wrote this on the FA sheet, always starting with the phrase I PROMISE. It gets broken all the time.
5. Be MORE patient in dealing with people. People. In general.
6. Be less vain. As I have been for the past few months.
7. Care less. Be less sensitive. Deal with issues appropriately.
8. Break it off. :)
9. Stop avoiding people and conflicts with people.
10. Say NO.

Ehem.

Everything's possible when you're determined to do it. It's about finding and holding on to the reason why I should do it. Right now, I feel like I'm a big ad for Nike - Just do it. Sigh.

*And yeah, this entry is not very cohesive. Psh.