Yours and proud.

I love you, for the many things you do and don't do.

For the times I speak and make no sense, or when I make too much sense and you counteract my reasons.

Even then, you let me see your logic. When there's none, I let you see mine and you silently but purposefully oblige.

When people fail me, you offer encouraging words, lifting my spirits up even when I least need it.

You make it known that you stand by my side, no matter what.

When I receive harsh words, you replace them with sweet ones.

Even ones that don't relate but still makes me smile.

You make me forget that I'm lonely, when I am. Or mad, when I'm really just disappointed.

You hug me tight, run your fingers through my hair, and lay a kiss on my forehead so gentle, so full of respect...

Those kisses melt my heart every time.

Can I imagine someone loving me as much as you do? As beautiful and unconditional as the love you offer?

How can I not be proud of a love like that? How can I not boast of a love so pure yet so strong?

Your love, that I reciprocate in many ways that I can.

To satisfying your belly to enriching your mind...

To giving you compliments and the appreciation you deserve...

Tell me now, how lucky have I become? I must have been Ghandi in my past life to deserve someone like you. No, just you.

I love you more than I have ever loved someone else before. And maybe you feel the same way as I can't imagine a greater love you can offer.

A love like yours, your love, I proudly call mine in this lifetime.

Wala itong title. Dahil mahina ako sa pagbibigay ng titles.

Pareho tayong nakatingin sa kawalan, habang nakaupo sa may liwasan, nasa kaliwang dulo ako ng upuan at ikaw naman, nasa dulong kanan.

Kaunting distansya pero ramdam ko ang layo mo. Para kang nasa kabilang mundo. Wala tayong lakas para magsimula ng usapan, para hawakan ang isa't isa.

Nangingilid na ang luha ko. May mga salitang gusto nang pakawalan ang bibig ko pero nananatiling itong sarado. Nilalamon ako ng emosyon, nawawalan ng klaro ang isipan. Dapat ba kitang sumbatan? Dapat ba kitang sisihin? O dapat ba akong magmakaawa?

"Wala ka bang sasabihin?" tanong mo, sabay tayo sa iyong kinauupuan. May galit at awa sa mga mata mo. Gustong gusto kong malaman kung ano ang tumatakbo sa isipan mo. Sa bawat pagtitig mo sa akin, unti-unti akong natutunaw.

"Bakit..." Pagsisimula ko, at naputol ito ng marahang paghikbi.

"Hindi na 'to maaayos. Wala na tayong magagawa. Tapos na. May sasabihin ka pa?"

Iling ang isinagot ko sa'yo. Hindi ko kaya. Hindi ko kayang sabihin, na pigilan kang 'wag umalis. Na '

wag kang lumayo. Na ang bawat paghakbang mo palayo sa akin ay ikamamatay ko.

Nakakailang hakbang ka pa lang nang tumayo ako para yakapin ka nang patalikod. Sumabog na ang luha, malakas na paghikbi, habang sinasabi ko sayo'ng mahal na mahal kita...

Marahas mong tinanggal ang pagkakakapit ng mga kamay ko sa 'yong bisig. Humarap ka sa 'kin at bahagyang tinulak ako palayo.

"Ayoko na, please lang. Nakipagkita lang ako sa'yo para pormal nang tapusin ang lahat! 'Wag ka nang maghabol! Tignan mo nga ang sarili mo, para kang tutang nagmamakaawa! Respetuhin mo, kahit konti, ang sarili mo. Ang desisyon ko!"

Dumilim ang langit. Nagbabadya ang ulan. Mukhang malakas, saktong sasabayan ang agos ng aking pagluha. Ang pagyanig ng aking mundo. Ang unti-unting pagguho ng lahat ng pinanghawakan ko, lahat upang manatili kang akin.

"Buntis ako... Dalawang buwan na ang bata..."

"Aakuin ko. Magpapadala ako ng sustento."

"Pero ikaw... Ikaw ang kailangan ko. Namin!"

Nakita ko ang pagtigas ng panga mo. Galit at hindi awa o pagmamahal ang reaksyon mo, di gaya nang inaasahan ko.

"Hindi na nga pwede diba? Ano pa bang hindi klaro sa'yo?!"

"Hindi ko maintindihan kung paanong siya ang pinili mo at hindi ako!"

Bumuhos na ang ulan. Malakas at malalaki ang mga patak ngunit hindi ko halos maramdaman. Dinaig ng emosyonal na sakit, minanhid nito, ang kahit anong pisikal na sensasyon. Kahit ang pangangatog ng katawan kong pilit nilalabanan ang panghihina ay di ko pansin.

Sa malakas ng buhos na ulan, rinig ko ang marahan mong yapak. Palayo. Sa akin, sa ating anak.

Bago pa man nilamon ng ulan ang pandinig ko, habang ang mata ko'y marahang pumipikit upang 'di makita ang iyong paglayo, ay narinig ko ang mga huling salitang iyong sinambit.

At ito'y paulit-ulit na sumisigaw sa utak ko. Sa puso ko, sa buo kong pagkatao. Sapat upang mapaluhod ako sa basang semento.

"Humanap ka na nang masisilungan, baka kung mapa'no pa kayo ng bata.

Babalik na 'ko kay Anton."

Carpe diem!

Holding back my emotions is my weakness. No matter how I try not to breakdown, I almost always do. There were tears but words were trapped. There were just emotions, no words.

I know now that I didn't have to die to know who cares.

When I was first starting with ePer, my world was full of pretensions, fake people, and frustrations. I was about to believe that the industry does not hold people who are true to themselves. Everything was about getting ahead of others. Puro hambog, puro pasikatan, puro plastik. Puro pambababae, panlalalaki, paninira, walang tunay na samahan. I felt that there were no one I can lean on to, someone I can open up to without being judged. It was a hell I'd have to deal with. There were a few who were real but had to be fake to survive.

Then I met the people who changed my perception of the call center life. It started with the ROW peeps, then the last bunch of people I've had the pleasure to work with--my JaiHo peeps. I gradually turned from a monster to a human being. I owe it to the people who taught me a few valuable lessons in life such as---

- It's okay to have less. Be content with what you have. Material things don't define a person, those are things that eventually break and had to be disposed of. What is essential is invisible to the eye. I knew that even before but it didn't really sink in. It's okay to wear the same shirt every week, to not have a cool phone, to not drink an overpriced coffee, to not go on gimmicks on your days off. It's perfectly okay, it's better, to be simple and humble instead of being in debt all the time for wanting too much that you can't afford.

- Don't judge. It only shows that you're insecure and that you are envious. There's nothing wrong with being happy for someone else. We all have flaws, we all aren't perfect, so who are we to judge? Unless the person's a really fucked up bitch or an asshole. Char.

- To err is human. We all have our area of expertise, we all are quipped with better knowledge of a thing or two compared to other people. Not knowing something doesn't mean you're stupid. We just have to be patient and open to learning and sharing what we know, without being such a smart ass.

- Laugh often. Jokes are meant to be funny, walang personalan. Ang mapikon, talo. Embrace your flaws and when you get laughed at because of that, be fine with it. At least it makes people happy :-)

- Listen. Intently. Learn to empathize. Learn from other people. Nakakagaan ng loob ang sharing. Mas nakakakagaan ng loob na alam mong may nakikinig sa'yo.

- Don't take life too seriously. We all have our moments, you can cry or shout or be pissed off when something bad happens but eventually, you have to accept it and move on. Turn the negative things into positive things; remember that things happen for a reason. There's always something better in store for you.

- Love without regrets and expectations but don't give your all. Make room for yourself. You have to love yourself before you get to love another.

- Appreciate who and what you have. Enough said.

- Hugs are instant medicines to heartbreaks. :-)

- Be there for each other. Always have each other's backs. When you're down, you're sure that there will be someone to pick you up.

- Don't hold grudges. Give chances. Good karma is waiting for you.

At marami pang iba. Maybe I just can't enumerate them all. But for sure, words aren't enough to let these people know how thankful I am because of them. My family, my brothers and sisters from different mothers and fathers. I will miss you all.